THE 2026 KING EVAN OF WALES SAG/AFTRA ACADEMY AWARDS™
- Evan Michael McIntyre
- Dec 10, 2025
- 3 min read
Majesty Decree:
THE 2026 KING EVAN OF WALES SAG/AFTRA ACADEMY AWARDS
(A Royal Announcement by the Most Chaotic Monarch in All the Realms)
Hear ye, hear ye, peasants, nobles, influencers, cryptid-hunters, and lovers of cinema!King Evan of Wales proudly announces the first annual:
THE 2026 KING EVAN OF WALES SAG/AFTRA ACADEMY AWARDS™
(an award show nobody asked for, but everyone will bow to)
This glorious spectacle is the King’s newest cultural achievement, joining his prestigious SGI Peace Awards, where Trump pulled off a miraculous diplomatic mic-drop in the Middle Eastern Realms.
But now—NOW—the King forges a new cinematic empire.
These awards are based entirely on:
His Majesty’s taste
His Majesty’s whims
His Majesty’s future Roger-Ebert-style film reviews
Learning how to write movie reviews with Roger Ebert WINA WQMZ WUVA Charlottesville 1996 coming soon the new website: LoveEvan.com, home of the King’s sacred punk opera band“Horny and the Penis Riot.”
THE LIVESTREAM The King Evan of Wales SAG/AFTRA Academy Awards
Tune in on Valentine’s Day to TikTok Live @DJClubEvan,cuddle your lover, your dog, or your emotional support pillow,and watch the King unveil the winners between sips of Diet Coke.
🎬 THE FIRST ROYAL WINNER ANNOUNCED EARLY:
Best Actor — Lifetime Drama/Action/Thriller Legend
RUSSELL CROWE
Yes, the lion himself.The cinematic thunder god.The man whose voice sounds like it’s been marinated in whiskey, destiny, and ancient prophecies.
A Brief, Royal Biography (Fictionalized for the Kingdom of Evan):
Russell Crowe was forged in a distant volcano by a council of battle-trained screenwriters.He emerged holding:
a sword,
a script,
and a union card.
He has portrayed warriors, poets, mathematicians, prophets, emperors, detectives, and middle-aged men who’ve had enough for today.His aura is 40% raw masculinity, 40% thunder, and 20% “I could fight a bear and win, but I’d rather act the scene emotionally.”
His New Film: NUREMBERG
In the King’s cinematic universe, Nuremberg is a dark, riveting historical drama where Crowe portrays a world-weary prosecutor navigating the ruins of war.Crowe’s performance is described by King Evan as:
“So powerful it slapped my soul, stole my popcorn, and made me rethink all of human history and how are military and intel will hang sometimes by following corrupt orders.”
It is, according to His Majesty,“a masterwork, a titan of drama, a film that rearranges your DNA.”
THE KING’S NEW COLOSSEUM
Inspired by Crowe’s legendary Gladiator, King Evan has announced plans to build the Coliseum of Wales, a colossal entertainment arena featuring:
acrobat goblins on unicycles
opera-singing ogres hurling props at each other
glitter-breathing lions
tigers wearing gold chains
giant animatronic battle-ducks
skydiving jesters with confetti grenades
and, of course…
RUSSELL CROWE HIMSELF
leading the charge like a cinematic warlord conducting a symphony.
This is entertainment for the common folk, the nobles, and the confused tourists who got lost on their way to the pub.
RUSSELL CROWe ENTERS FREEZE FRAME
I haven taken the liberty also of making Crowe the first celebrity officially added to the Kingdom’s sacred glamor archive: FreezeFrame at ClubEvan.com
No application.No interview.The King simply shouted:
“Russell, you legend—YOU’RE HIRED.”
And so it is,
Majesty, King Evan of Wales, Scotland, and Ireland (the new Un-United Kingdom)
🏆 THE 2026 KING EVAN OF WALES SAG/AFTRA AWARD FOR BEST ACTOR:
RUSSELL CROWE
Long may his movies reign.Long may the popcorn flow.Long may the chaos of cinema echo through the halls of the Kingdom.
McIntyre Media International ClubEvan.com We've got the beat of Boston ClubEvan.com Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hannakuh, Jouous Kwanza and may 2026 and every year after be your best. God Bless everyone and everything and thank you to Jesus, my Messiah. Let's all focus on the real meaning of Christmas...even if you are an non believer...it is a lovely story of hope for the world.
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