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👑 Majesty King Evan of Wales — Royal Introduction & Comedy Decree

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Majesty King Evan of Wales is not just your DJ—
he is your Stand-Up Comedian, Court Fool, Royal Ringleader, and Celebrity Monarch of Mayhem.
Let’s be clear: you don’t entertain this King… this King entertains YOU.

And you can turn your back to King Evan of Ireland, that is his favorite side.

As His Majesty always declares:

“You are the Kings and Queens, my beloved Commonfolk.
I am but your humble servant, DJ, and chaos ambassador.”

All royal decisions, judgments, dance mixes, and late-night nonsense are first run by His High Council:
Homeless Veterans—the true Kings and Queens in this Kingdom.
Nothing happens without their voice.
Nothing is decided without their consent.

The USAA military, their families, and their friends hold the real crowns.
If you want to honor true royalty, support those who served:
👉 WoundedWarriorProject.org

🎤 And now… for some comedy.

Laugh it up.
These are the jokes.
And yes—
Laughter and Diet Coke really are the best medicine.
(And I would know… trust.)

 

 — Official Joke Decree for the Common Folk

Why did the Chicken Cross the Road

Hear ye, hear ye! A royal proclamation regarding the absolute madness that unfolded in my PTown Beach Gay Paradise Castle kitchen.

Why, in the holy name of Beyoncé, did my chicken—
Sir Mr. Pecker, the one forever wearing a stained diaper and a Tupac bandana—
escape the royal kitchen, sprint out the castle door, waddle into Walmart to buy baby oil, then somehow smoke my husband’s crack that that chicken-turned-hustler must have sold him first?

Someone ought to do something about that poultry menace.

Mr. Pecker clearly lost what little mind he ever had.
He flapped off to some kind of chaotic celebrity party, then showed up back in my kitchen only to get ARRESTED—yes, ARRESTED—caught on Fox’s Cops fighting with a can of baking powder. Chicken nuggets exploding through the air like medieval cannon fire.

Then somehow—AND I DON’T KNOW HOW—
Bill, Hillary, Chelsea, and a totally reinvented Marjorie-Taylor-Greene, the Southern Belle who is paying billions to get rid of that Confederate Accent (who apparently loves Mexicans now because she had a mercy fuck from Ricky Martin and Enrique Iglesias in this bizarre chem-sex love triangle in a white van at Home  Depot during DJ Evan's Summer Rave on this past July 4th) and fleet of Ice Ice Baby White Vans with MGT "Southern Bell" and "Future Queen of Mexico and Wales" logos on the sides headed into Idaho because I accidently said once that Idaho was little Mexico and Mormonville with more Mormons per capita than Salt Lake...SHE HEARD THAT AND BOUGHT IDAHO with her Big Pharma Lobbying money....but wait, did she just say Queen of Wales?!?!  Seize her and fuck her!!! But instead of deporting my posse from Home Depot, they took them back to the Baby Oil Party of Doom where the nuns were pimping out priests and smoking cigarettes waiting in line at the Baby Oil Party Glory Holes. 

Lord Jesus, smite all baby oil.  Black people are having sex with baby oil too Lord Jesus! Now Diddy is having Donkey Show Dildo Baby Oil Parties at the Bam Bam Club in Tijuana and Jack Klugman and Dom DeLuise are in a porn with Ron Jeremy, Tammy Faye, Rupaul, Pee Wee Herman and Big Bird is having a lesbian orgy.  Burn the baby oil Lord. Puritans are outnumbered.  It is like the film "A Dirty Shame" with Johnny Knottesville and John Waters.  Lord...EVERYONE IS HORNY!!!
Salem witch trials for every bottle.
PURITANS—ASSEMBLE!

And after all that?
My deranged, strung-out, man-whore Karen chicken woke up behind a dumpster with his butt bleeding, passed out cold, and STILL had the audacity to stumble back into my kitchen—ask me the most famous line in Boston, "you gotta' dollar?"
only to be flattened by a self-driving Lyft while CROSSING THE ROAD.  The last words Mr. Pecker shouted was "FUCK PURITANS...LONG LIVE Club Evan Radio on Spotify.  And that is my joke for the day...Why did the Chicken Cross the Road.  Oh, the audacity...the vulgarity.   As your King, I am not some Moulin Rouge underbelly....um...not sure where I was going with that...never mind. 

Majesty Decree:  Fuck off. I am a proud puritan.  Just because Henry VIII is my hero does not mean shit.  Keep calm cunts and carry on. 

Majesty Decree 9.12.25 King Evan of the new Un-United Kingdom of Wales, Scotland, and Ireland.  Long Live King Evan of Wales and his future wife Queen McIntyre.