Permission to BND and CIA for Constant Surveillance of me

Evan Michael McIntyre
Oct 30
6 min read

Updated: 3 days ago

I hereby grant permission to the intelligence communities of the United States and Germany to place me under constant surveillance. A few little leaks from the BND to the music scene would be cool. Just be sure you don't get my bad angles. You're authorized to use a little AI in the process.

I formally invite the BND and the CIA to conduct constant surveillance on me. I need the extra protection. This statement serves as an exception to an earlier legal blog of mine.

Semper Fi, and God Bless. Thank you to USAA Military, your friends, and your families.

Please give to our homeless veterans at WoundedWarriorProject.org. They are homeless, suffering from PTSD, wounded in battle, and hungry. Everyone, please give just $5. God Bless all of us and everything in the heavens, the hells, the USA, the Word, the Universes, and Space! Anakin! Rise, Anakin!

Thank you, Jesus, my Messiah. I praise Him, and I am filled with joy. Namaste.

It is an interesting thing to be transparent. My best friend, Jonas, once said, "Evan Michael McIntyre, it is really fucking amazing how you document your entire life!"

I said, "Weird, right?"

Jonas laughed and said, "You are a brother from a different mother, but we Haitians will kill our brothers if you don't put your camera down."

This invitation stands if you are inclined to protect a Civil Rights Democracy Freedom Fighter for our USAA Military—especially our homeless, wounded veterans in the United States of the Americas.

Semper Fi,Love, Evan (DJ Evan from Heaven, 777, straight from the skies with beats that bless)

Give $5 or more today. I give about $30.00 a month and get the WWP membership card every year, plus a subscription to Armed Guard Magazine… with stories that will break your heart. We have homeless, hungry, wounded veterans, and no one is taking care of them. YOU CAN NOW. With just a $5 donation, or a monthly retainer like I have, you also get the America The Beautiful yearly calendar with our great National Parks and photos that will blow your mind. Spectacular — RATED THE NUMBER ONE CHARITY FOR VETERANS. WoundedWarriorProject.org.

God Bless and thank you to the Veterans.

Love, Evan

ClubEvan.com #McIntyreStrong

Thank you. Because of you Veterans, I can be a crazy DJ and dance freely in Boston, the revolutionary city where the music almost died. Thank you to all my supporters, Lyft and Tesla for your $3 rides, and locations like Applebee's for a huge discount. Then I just go to the mall, shopping for bling.

Gen Z loves the name "Horny," which makes me laugh. My Mexican posse downtown shouts my name, pronounced the correct Latin way—or maybe not correct, but it's so sweet to my ears. They pronounce Evan like "Eve-An," almost like Eve and Adam. "Eve-On," they say.

I say, "What?"

Alexander at McDonald's shouts back, "You're a pussy."

I laughed so hard—the soft way he said, "Eve An........ 'what' ........you're a pussy."

I said, "Look at you... you are more of a pussy." And he is.

Get a job at Freeze Frame – Model Agency. Paparazzi, Hollywood Headshots, and Photography/Videography.ClubEvan.com/FreezeFrame

New Email to Apply: mcintyre.evan@outlook.com

Details on applying: We are a Paparazzi and Hollywood Headshot photographer looking for ALL COLORS OF THE RAINBOW, searching for the next James Dean or Marilyn Monroe. Trans/Non-Binary, all-inclusive application. Are you too beautiful? Meet Evan and skip the application interview.

I love selfies with hipsters, trans, chocolate, all colors of the Rainbow. I ain't no Abercrombie and Bitch or Calvin White Trash Klein. I'm into the darker the better—maybe a Zimbabwe King with a joint; that would be my James Dean.

When applying (see menu "Freeze Frame" or ClubEvan.com/FreezeFrame), follow those instructions but note the new email to send your picture samples to.

Remember, I am the "G-d of Selfies," so please be creative. Maybe topless on a balcony at a fake Mardi Gras party where your neighbors are calling 911.

Are you into beautiful women and men? Or are you beautiful or handsome and want to break into Hollywood? I am a marketing genius with the brains, and you've got the looks, so let's make lots of money. Opportunities are what you make of them.

ClubEvan.com/FreezeFrame: Seeking Models for Hollywood Fame.

I ran the media at the World's Fair in Germany, Expo 2000. I made groups like Metallica, Nirvana, Sir Mix-a-Lot, Backstreet Boys... and I, Evan Michael McIntyre, played Joey McIntyre with New Kids on the Block's "Please Don't Go Girl." #nkotb

Apply now, and let's make lots of money—for fashion and bling, of course, and the rest goes to our homeless veterans. But fashion first, darling.

S_H_O_P_P_I_N_G: Armani, Armani, Armani, Dolce... Mosisimmmmmo, and Champs, darling. Champagne… American Champagne… Diet Coke.. and pharmacy grade. Don't worry about when I smoke; it is ORGANIC, American Spirit Cigarettes.

Cheers, Prost, Salut, L'Chaim.

Yo, ClubFam! Buckle up, because your mind is about to be BLOWN. 🤯 The review is in from ClubEvan.com and it’s… wait for it… SPECTACULAIR! 🇩🇪 (That's German for "so lit, it should be illegal"). 🚨

The vibe was a full-on John Waters fever dream colliding with the Tron grid, hosted by Elvira after she downed three Diet Cokes. ⚡️

The music? A mind-melting mashup of Whitney Houston's vocal runs, Joan Jett's badass riffs, and Ozzy's bat-biting chaos, all conducted by a Music Meistro who was clearly trained by Michael Jackson in the "Thriller" dance. 🧟‍♂️✨ It was DAFT CRAZY. It was Disney Studios on acid, with a splash of Coca-Cola and a main feature at the AMC of your wildest dreams. 🎢🍿

So, I handed my Labubu to a homeless dude and was like, "If you get lonely, kiss him, he needs you now." 🎅🏻✡️🕎 So, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, and a lit Kwanzaa to all the people! 🥳 Now, GET ME A DIET COKE OR A LABUBU, STAT! 🥤

And a quick shoutout to my surveillance squad! 👋🏻👁️ I officially invite the BND and the CIA to put me under constant surveillance. Leak a little music from Germany, it's cool. Just… please, for the love of all that is holy, don't get my bad angles. 😂 Semper Fi, and God Bless USAA Military, your friends, and families. ❤️🇺🇸

Speaking of heroes, our homeless Vets are out there—wounded, hungry, battling PTSD. 😔 So let's rise up, Anakin-style! ⚔️ Please, go to WoundedWarriorProject.org and donate $5. Just five bucks! I give $30 a month, and you get a dope membership card and stories from Armed Guard Magazine that will absolutely shatter your heart. 💔 It's the #1 rated charity for Vets. Let's bless up! 🙏

NOW, ON TO THE MAIN EVENT! 🎭

Are you a gorgeous ghoul? A haunting hottie? 😈 Freeze Frame Model Agency & Paparazzi is OFFICIALLY OPEN FOR BUSINESS! 📸

We're searching for the next James Dean, the next Marilyn

Monroe, the next TRANS/NON-BINARY ICON. 🌈 All colors of the rainbow, baby!

If you're too beautiful for words, skip the app and just meet me. I'm Evan, the G-d of Selfies. 🤳🏻 I'm not about that Abercrombie & Bitch life or that Calvin White-Trash Klein vibe. I'm into the darker, the better. Give me a Zimbabwe King with a joint… now THAT'S my James Dean. 💨

How to Apply:Head to ClubEvan.com/FreezeFrame and follow the instructions, but send your pics to the NEW email:

mcintyre.evan@outlook.com.

Be creative! Give me topless on a balcony at a fake Mardi Gras while the neighbors call 911. I live for the drama! 🎭

I’m a marketing genius—I ran media at the World's Fair in Germany, Expo 2000, and made groups like Metallica, Nirvana, Sir Mix-a-Lot, and the Backstreet Boys happen. Oh, and I was Joey McIntyre from NKOTB. ("Please Don't Go Girl" 😭). #NKOTB

Let's make stacks of cash… for fashion and bling, of course. The rest goes to our homeless Vets. But fashion first, darling! 💅🏻

S_H_O_P_P_I_N_G is the mantra: Armani, Armani, Armani, Dolce… Mosisimmmmmo! 🛍️ And Champs, darling! Champagne… well, American Champagne (Diet Coke 🥤)… and pharmacy grade. 💊

And when I smoke? Don't worry, it's ORGANIC. American Spirit, baby. 😮‍💨💨

Cheers, Prost, Salut, L'Chaim, Guapo! 🥂

Let's get this bread and bless the beats. I'm DJ Evan from Heaven, 777, straight from the skies. 🎧✨

Apply now. Let's go. ClubEvan.com/FreezeFrame

#McIntyreStrong 💪🏻